I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize