tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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