No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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