You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
