I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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