who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
