Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
