And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
