the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
