Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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