no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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