help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
