I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize