holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
