I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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