im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
