this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I want to fling myself into the sun
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
