we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
