there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
not ubering you a puppy
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize