How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
