so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
