my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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