So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
