this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize