No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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