No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
