I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
