I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
