Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
well you can't waste a boner
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
the night ended with taco bell and tears
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
