It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My vagina is officially offended.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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