Need sex. Gaining weight.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
