i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
