Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
