remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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