Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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