I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
