Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
