I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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