I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
