Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
