RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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