She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
