Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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