you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
