Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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