New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
