i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
