Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
