remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
