i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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