Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
