why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
