We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
