i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Damn victory sex feels great
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
