Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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