Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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