you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
