if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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