Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
