Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
