She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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