Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
