Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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