i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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