I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize