I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
