I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
